dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
