just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
