Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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