sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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