I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
