What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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