Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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