you would pick up someone in the library
please come you make the beer taste better
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lost the right to judge tonight
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
