That's intense
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
