i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
