Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
