i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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