ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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