this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
