He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
