he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
