so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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