who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
