I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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