Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
