i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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