Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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