Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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