i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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