i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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