That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
