I faked an abortion last night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
