In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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