My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize