Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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