They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
