Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
