Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Randomize
