After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"