we have officially lost it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out