I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?