My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees