I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
