we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
