it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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