You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He felt like a one man threesome
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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