You're my little dorito
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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