all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
