I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
