I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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