do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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