Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm just crazy horny about you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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