Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
