working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
