I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
