Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
