U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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