If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
