hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
