Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
