Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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