On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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