So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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