yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
