I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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