so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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