When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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