She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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