are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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