I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
