We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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