don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
