I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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